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Working with a Difficult Coworker

Working with a Difficult Coworker

How we all wish that we only got to work with people we get along with like a house on fire (how much sense does that metaphor make, really?). Unfortunately, no matter how hard we wish this will never be the case. The world of work is a diverse, ever dynamic space. And very much a part of the tough, real world which teaches us very many lessons about life. One being, regardless of whether you like it or not, there will be times when you have to work with a difficult coworker or two. Maybe even coworkers you say you ‘hate’. Now, while hate is a very strong four lettered word (which is also injurious to health), we do understand the strong sentiments at play there.

While you cannot avoid these situations where you will be needed to work with coworkers you don’t exactly get along with, here are some tips that will probably lessen the suffering.

  1. Stop. And Breathe.

    It is strange how much we underestimate the value of this critical life function. Breathing is the only thing that separates life from death. ‘Take a deep breath’, is the most under rated thing. Every time you feel overcome with anxiety and pressure because you are unable to cope with a difficult coworker, breathe. Just remind yourself to breathe. You will be surprised how effective this technique is. Try this zen technique called STOP: S- Step back. T – Take a breath. O- Observe. P- Proceed.

  2. Take it as a challenge

    This situation won’t last forever. But while it lasts, how about you make the best of it? If nothing else, let it teach you how to function in what you may call, adverse situations. Does it feel like if you survive this, you can survive anything? Well then, you’ve got to get through it. Anything that makes you feel invincible is worth it. Find a way of making this seem like a challenge, and then take on it. By the end of it, you will feel proud of yourself.

  3. Play by the rules

    In case the lack of harmony between you and the other party concerned stems from mostly difference in opinion regarding the work you are doing, play by the rules. That way, you cannot get into any trouble and any cause of discontent regarding the rules is not your problem. You did not come up with them, you are simply following them. Every time you need to remind your co-worker about the same, do so gently. And do let them know that they have the option of taking it up with the management.

  4. Don’t make the mistake of trying to change them, change yourself

    When we are sure that we are right, we bend over backwards to ‘prove’ to the other person that we are right. What we do not understand is, that the person at the other end perhaps also has his/ her very strong reasons in believing they are right. Which they are hell-bent on proving. Getting into a tussle of this sort in a professional space can be extremely draining, not to mention a serious deterrent to your productivity. So instead of trying to change the other person involved, change your approach. You can have absolutely no control over anything which is beyond yourself. The sooner you realize this, the more time and energy you will save. And by no means will you be conceding defeat in any way by doing this.

  5. Be professional – No matter how angry you are

    Dislike for a difficult coworker is no reason to display unprofessional behavior. Remember that by doing so you will be harming no one but yourself. No matter how angry you are, handle the situation professionally and in a respectful manner. When you feel that the situation is getting out of hand, reach out to the management for a conflict resolution intervention. Take care for the situation to not turn into a judgment call on your reputation or professionalism.

While it can’t be easy to deal with a situation like this, it surely isn’t impossible. And like they say, it is the worst situations that bring out the best in you! What is the worst quality of a someone you would call a difficult coworker? Comment below and we will include your take on that, in our next blog!

Personal Branding – Why it Matters and How you Can Get There

Personal Branding – Why it Matters and How you Can Get There

Today, personal branding matters more than it ever did not only because of the significant market value it carries with it, but also because of the opportunities it offers. Personal branding done right can open more doors for you than you ever imagined.

The business dictionary defines branding as: “The process involved in creating a unique name and image for a product in the consumers’ mind, mainly through advertising campaigns with a consistent theme.”

And for a long time, that’s exactly what branding entailed. However, with the advent of social media, branding has become everybody’s business. Today, we’re all acting as our own ambassadors. Whether you are an entrepreneur, an artist, a social worker, a writer, or even a job seeker, paying attention to and working on your own personal brand can be rewarding in multiple ways.

In the age of social media, it matters to be visible. Whether it is you, or your homegrown business, without visibility it is impossible to gain traction. Personal branding is a method of making yourself visible. Of putting out there your unique, authentic self through the work you do. It is true that the stiff competition might act as a deterrent, but your mode of personal branding should be aligned with your personality and belief – and that is how competition will not really matter in the long run.

Personal branding is nothing but using the forms of social media (which you already use) with the specific purpose of promoting your interests and outlook. If you are doing it for your homegrown business/ initiative you would have a very clear purpose. Similarly, in case you are doing it only for yourself and not a specific initiative, it would be more of your views and ideologies about things you believe in. For example, if your personal branding is for a small organic pickle business, your marketing strategies and ‘posts’ would have to include how and why you believe that these small businesses are important. You could speak about how this generates employment for women from several villages who would otherwise be unemployed. Or how it brings back the focus to local, hand-made produce. It could even be simply about the difference in the taste of something packaged with love rather than in a factory.

How would your personal branding strategy differ if you were doing it just for yourself? And not for any entrepreneurial purposes? Not very different. Except in this case, your personal branding is for “you”. Which means, in this case things like your ideologies, your views, what you associate yourself with, who you associate yourself with – all of this becomes central to your personal branding. In which case, LinkedIn is a great platform for you.

How are we able to distinguish between most famous personalities we may be aware of, without ever having met them? Because of their personal branding. Because we are constantly reading about them. Today though, one doesn’t need a PR person to fix this for them. All you need is a platform, and a voice – both of which you have free access to. Like all opportunities, this is one that gives you a lot of power, and along with it a lot of responsibility. How you choose to use it is up to your discretion.

The 5 Golden Rules for Personal Branding

1. Remember it is not about the product, it is about you

Or rather, not just  about the product. Above, we gave examples of two kinds of personal branding – one for specific initiatives and the second for yourself. However, even if it is the first kind of personal branding you are aiming for, remember what you are marketing should be seen as an extension of you. And that itself becomes the unique selling point (USP) for the service or product you are putting out. Your branding strategy should have a voice, which should be no one else’s but yours. It should speak about what you believe in, and what you don’t believe in. And how these ideologies connect with whatever you are trying to sell. Sounds like a challenge? Well, nothing comes easy!

2. Be responsible

Your constitution entitles you to a number of rights which includes freedom to speech. Being able to use your own, authentic voice which promotes the ideas and ideologies you harbor is a benefit of that right. Being responsible about what you speak and choose to put out is a ground rule for not just personal branding, but any form of social media interaction (and otherwise!). Remember that when you put out or say certain things on interactive platforms, people listen to it and engage with it in a conscious as well as subconscious manner. That is the power of personal branding and social media. In the recent times however, we know of way too many examples where these liberties have been abused. With power comes responsibility – it serves well to always remember this!

3. Social media is everything for you

Personal branding demands a judicious use of any and all resources that are available for free or minimum cost. The most powerful resource at your disposal is social media. Teach yourself as much as you can about all forms of social media, and mark the differences between each. How would your interaction/ voice vary on Facebook from LinkedIn? Understand the kind of audience that uses specific platforms, and mould your strategies accordingly. You can’t ever learn enough about the ever evolving forms of social media. Being in ‘sync’ and ‘updated’ (pun intended!) about how each form of social media works is a huge advantage for personal branding. Find out how stories make a difference to your brand on Instagram, how you can use Facebook live, and what’s new on Twitter. Learning and evolving with the market is a strategy that will always come in handy.

4. Network

Always a big bonus. Reach out and network with others who are doing personal branding. Take note of what works and doesn’t work with these brands. Learn from their mistakes and their success stories. Even short collaborations where there is a match of sensibilities is a fantastic way to go about personal branding. Networking allows you to step beyond narrow frameworks and visions and brings you a far greater reach and exposure. Being active on platforms such as LinkedIn, and creating valuable content is a great way to go about networking. Organizing, or being a part of meetups which discuss the concept and forms of personal branding is also a dependable way for meeting like minded people and making connections.

5. Invest

Wherever there is a need for growth, there needs to be investment. In the case of personal branding, even though you may have a very limited budget, make space for investments. Take up courses on specific marketing strategies that might add to your knowledge pool. Maybe one on understanding the forms and functions of social media better? Here is a great course on Coursera to help you get started with – “Introduction to Personal Branding”. If you have a small team, consider investing in sessions for them on how they can adopt and adapt to the vision for your brand better. Most importantly, invest “time”, into understanding how you envision your brand to grow, and what you see it standing for. Focusing on change helps you keep away the fear of being stagnant. And being stagnant in any business or career – big, or small,  is toxic.

Creating and nurturing a personal brand for yourself can be truly empowering. Besides all the factors we have mentioned above, consistency is also a keyword for personal brand. Your efforts and your vision need to be consistent, which in turn reflects in your strategies. One way of making sure of this is always reminding yourself to keep in mind who your audience is.

All of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called You. 

Tom Peters, Fast Company

Have a personal brand and want to share the ups and downs of working on it? We are all ears!

Bringing in the Mindfulness – Top 5 Quotes

Bringing in the Mindfulness – Top 5 Quotes

A while ago, we wrote about Practicing the Miracle of Mindfulness at Work. In it, we spoke about how to incorporate the practice of mindfulness into your every day routine of work. While mindfulness, in its essence really means to “be”, different people have different ways of saying it. There is nothing more inspiring than reading how other people have experienced mindfulnes, and what they understand the concept of mindfulness as. Here is a selection of the five best ones!

  1. Like we said, the shortest definition of mindfulness is really to just “be”.

“In today’s rush, we all think too much — seek too much — want too much — and forget about the joy of just being.” Eckhart Tolle

2. To be present is probably the key to achieving mindfulness, and therefore, could be the hardest thing to achieve. To be present means to be nowhere else, to do nothing else but what the present moment asks of you. Being present means to give your entire being to accomplishing the current task at hand with all your attention, love and care.

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).” ~James Baraz

3. Turn away from focusing on what you ‘don’t’ have. Make a list of things you are grateful for, and you’ll realize that the list is ever expansive.

“There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have…. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.” ~Anthony de Mello

4. Mindfulness is the coming together of the conscious and the subconscious, in a way more powerful than you ever imagined. Being mindful is a means and an end at the same time. To practice being mindful means to channelize the highest levels of energy within yourself towards a purpose you have chosen for yourself.

The practice of mindfulness begins in the small, remote cave of your unconscious mind and blossoms with the sunlight of your conscious life, reaching far beyond the people and places you can see.” ~Earon Davis

5. Yes, he couldn’t be more accurate. Your entire life revolves around how you savor or rush through your cup of tea. It is only when we are able to truly appreciate what we are gifted with, that we begin to invoke more blessings. “Live the actual moment”. Is mindfulness your cup of tea?

“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future; live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh”

The practice of mindfulness has the potential to rejuvenate and restore us as individuals. Gratitude and being aware of everything, and everyone, is the key to being mindful. Or like we say, to be mindful is to be happy in the now!

Words of Wisdom by Five True Leaders and Changemakers

Words of Wisdom by Five True Leaders and Changemakers

True leaders are people who believe that they are capable of bringing about change even in the face of adversities. But more than that, true leaders call out whatever they feel is unjust and are not afraid to have their voices heard over the injustice. Most muffled in all of history has been the voices of women who’ve done their duty as true leaders. However, some voices made it to the rest of us and there is merit in listening to and reading their words over and over again.

Gender equality and women’s rights are always on the top of our priorities at OBOlinx. Even though we are a small organisation, there are certain core principles we hold very close to our hearts. One such core principle is women’s empowerment, equality and rights. One small example of how we try to achieve the same is by maintaining an all women’s team. Not only that, we follow the work from home mode of work, because we believe that regardless of the social background, and personal limitations, women should have an equal chance at employment opportunities.

Men have always had unfair advantages over women for no real or rational reason. But history is witness to some phenomenally phenomenal women who have made the world a better place. Today we bring to you a selection of wise words which women in varied positions have spoken, and which will ring true for ages to come.

Happy reading!

From one of our favourite writers, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, on gender equality –

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man.’ Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?

Words of wisdom by feminist and writer, Gloria Steinem. Yes, it is true that only when we unlearn everything that we have learnt over the years, without questioning their validity, that true change will come around.

The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.

And the diva couldn’t have said it better. True change begins only when we reshape our own perception of who we are. Words by Beyoncé.

Women have to work much harder to make it in this world. It really pisses me off that women don’t get the same opportunities as men do, or money for that matter. Because lets face it, money gives men the power to run the show. It gives men the power to define our values and to define what’s sexy and what’s feminine and that’s bullshit. At the end of the day, it’s not about equal rights, it’s about how we think. We have to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves.

Chanda Kochar, the CEO of ICICI bank – India’s largest private sector bank, tells us what the one most important principle at the world of work is.

We need to start work with the idea that we’re going to learn every day. I learn, even at my position, every single day.

A pioneer of the civil rights movement in the US, Rosa Parks is one of the most prominent and important leaders who fought against apartheid. When taken into custody and questioned about her act of transgression against the law (which was the fact that she did not give up her seat to a white passenger on a city bus), she said, “all I was doing was trying to get home from work”. Her action of not giving in to the injustice at play led to a boycott of the city bus services by all the black people who actually formed the majority of the working classes using the transport services. The government was forced to ban racial segregation on buses, after which they called the boycott off. And right there, a piece of history was formed.

I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free… so other people would be also free.

In our own ways, we all have the ability within us to be phenomenally phenomenal. How? Just by being best at who we are.

These are words that we read or heard that forever became some of our favorites, because of how we associate with and draw strength from them. What are some of your favourite words/ quotes / lines?

A Conversation on Mentoring with an Expert Mentor

A Conversation on Mentoring with an Expert Mentor

Mentoring is not just a duty; it’s a place for both, the mentor and mentee, to feel safe, reflect and feel empowered!

When you decide to take on, or accept a mentee, along with your role as a mentor comes responsibility, trust and commitment. It is a relationship premised on mutual give and take as any other relationship. Being a mentor is no easy task. It is a role that one must assume with full responsibility for, only after careful consideration.

Given the importance of mentoring in our careers, we thought of writing another blog, documenting the perspectives of a mentor herself. So we tracked down Pratibha Pathak, an associate coordinator for a not for profit organization called Pravah. An extremely energetic and compassionate being, Pratibha has been mentoring young adults on both personal and professional fronts for the past few years. Over an hour-long conversation, she spoke about a number of topics, such as, why mentoring is important, what are the qualities of a good mentor and her journey as a mentor.

There is a lot to take away from this conversation!

You have been mentoring for quite sometime now.  Each one of your mentees has a different story, a background and set of problems. How has the experience been for you as a mentor?

It’s been very different. I joined Pravah as a volunteer and had no idea about the concept of mentoring then. I had never been mentored by anyone previously either, so it was a lot more difficult for me. It was during my interactions with people in SMILE, an internship carried out by Pravah, that I finally learnt the basics of mentoring. Later, when I joined in an official capacity, I started my journey as a mentor. Even then when I had got a hang of some basic mentoring skills, I still didn’t know what I was doing. But one thing was certain, being a mentor meant I had a responsibility to perform.

Slowly I realized that mentoring is not about telling any of these kids what they ought to do and what not, it is a space that needs to be created for any mentee to be themselves. Yes, you’re right, each one of my mentees have a different story to tell and that made mentoring all the more challenging yet exciting enough for me to pursue.

Pravah has a unique system of mentoring everyone, from the founder to an intern. You have had mentors as well, how has that been for you? Do you think their mentoring skills have influenced yours in any way? If yes, then can you explain how?

Yes, I have had mentors both through formal and informal channels. Whenever I feel someone can help me, I reach out, doesn’t matter if he/she is assigned to me or not. I think the conversations I have had with my mentors have helped me grow and ease out the unnecessary pressure I have been forcing on myself. Also, I use to have a very narrow vision, I think that got widened in the process as well.  So yes, I would say my mentors have been an integral part of my journey.

As for answering the next part of your question, I think yes, my learnings from the conversations I have had with my mentors have impacted my mentoring skills. It has helped me grow and a lot of other people as well. My mentors have influenced me in the way I speak to my mentees. I’ll give you an example for this, I have always been a curious person, so you can understand I have this need to know everything. But when you become a mentor, you have to understand that a mentee doesn’t always want to share what’s on his/her mind all the time, so there is no point forcing it out. This was something I learnt from my mentors. Today, I have come to a realization that the essence of mentoring is to let things be until the mentee is comfortable and is ready to talk.

The process of mentoring is all about give and take. Do you think you have learnt some things from your mentees as much as they have learnt from you?

I think my biggest reflection as a mentor is how similar all of us are, and by us I mean both the mentors and the mentees. This I understood not just through my reflections, but also from my mentees. I think in terms of factual experiences, we are all different, but mentoring made me realize that emotionally we are all the same. I’ve learnt that it is important to constantly go back to who you are as a person when you try to help them. Mentees will never understand what you as a mentor are saying if you somewhere can’t connect yourself to their story and that is why it is important to reflect on yourself. This is what I have learnt.

Each mentor has a different way of approaching and mentoring someone. What is your mentoring process like?

First of all, I think having a mentoring “process” as such is a foolish thing. We have to understand that every single mentee, no matter what their age, is different. So simply put, there is no one process. Having said that, there are some common things that I do with all my mentees. First, it is important for me to let them be. I never question them, until I feel I have understood them to a certain level. The time my mentee is sharing is the time for me to just simply understand, and not prod around as that can completely backfire. Apart from that, the golden rule I believe that always works is investment and care.

There could be times when personal judgments or biases cloud your advice for a mentee, how do you tackle that?

Openness! That’s it. If you are not open to hearing the other person’s views then mentoring is futile. I think it is acceptable to disagree, but a mentor must respect the mentee during that process. It is very important to approach the conversation positively and understand what is it you want to take away from the conversation, as a mentor. Only if a mentor is open to the idea of the other person being different, can he/she break down biases, or at least keep them at bay.

Today, the culture of mentoring has become extremely popular within schools, colleges and work places. Why do you think is there such a rise?

I feel that life is much faster and we want to do so much. Given the little time we have and today’s technology being fast paced, we aren’t really slowing down and reflecting. We aren’t creating spaces for people to have a reflection of their own perceptions. Today, I think people miss that space, in fact they need it. A space they can call their own and who better to provide it than a mentor?

How important do you think mentoring is? Does it really impact lives for the better?

I strongly believe it to be a good practice. It adds value to all stages of a person’s life. We need mentors because they help us think outside the box. There are times when we need to look at our problems from a different lens, and mentors provide us with that. Apart from this, I think they can help boost our performance and build a network of contacts that we can use in the future.

But we need to understand that mentoring is a two-way process, it’s about giving and taking energy, and if it’s not helping either the mentor or the mentee, then perhaps mentoring is not a good option. There can be cases where a mentee hasn’t come in for a conversation with an open mind or the mentor is not in a frame of mind to listen. So mentoring only works if both are on the same page.

What do you think are some of the skills a mentor must have and what must he or she refrain from doing?

I can’t generalize for all mentors, but I can tell you what works for me. Being open-minded and leaving perceptions behind while talking is the first. There is a word we use in Pravah, it’s called “Carefrontation”, it means it is necessary to both, care and confront while we mentor; I think this is a must. Honesty, enthusiasm and above all empathy is needed. I cannot stress on how important empathy is.

As for what a mentor must refrain from doing, I think being unapproachable is one of the biggest sins that can be committed. A mentee needs to feel welcomed and not feel inhibited while approaching a mentor. Apart from that, showing a lack of interest and disrespect would be next on my list.

Nothing makes a mentor more happy than see their mentee grow. Have there been any moments for you? Could you describe some?

Yes, definitely there have been a lot of moments for me. It is difficult to even choose one, but I will try. Last year, I was mentoring a volunteer from Bihar. I think I probably had just three or four conversations with him. His problem was that he didn’t talk much, either to me or anyone of the other volunteers. He felt he would be judged for speaking in Hindi; he was scared of the repercussions he thought he would have to face if he talks. After a couple of conversations with him, I saw him bloom into a different person all together. He grew more confident and he started talking, out loud! Knowing that I have contributed in some small way, is something I will always cherish!

In Conclusion

Mentoring is a hard task, it can sometimes even seem like a thankless job. The time and effort that you invest in a mentee, while leading a busy life of your own can make you question if it is all worth it? You might even wonder, “What am I getting in return?”

We agree with Pratibha when she said,

You would be surprised how amazing it feels to see an individual prosper and know that a part of his success comes from your guidance. As you teach your mentee, you will learn too. You will gain a deeper understanding of yourself as a person and will discover strengths you did not know you had and will admit weaknesses you would want to work on.

A big thanks to Pratibha for sharing her mentoring experiences with us so expressively. Please join us in wishing her many more successes in her career ahead – she certainly deserves it and more for all the light she spreads around her.

Trust us when we say this, the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing your best to help build another individual’s career, will make you feel content and in that moment you will realize it was all worth it.

How to Survive the Devious Divide and Rule Management Strategy

How to Survive the Devious Divide and Rule Management Strategy

In our previous post, we spoke about what the  divide and rule management strategy is, how it works and why it is anything but cool, or acceptable. But what do you do when you are at the receiving end of this strategy? It can be extremely stressful and limiting to work in an environment where you are being subjected to demeaning strategies of management such as this. But, know that this is not uncommon at all in the world of work.

Divide and Conquer – As long as some people have commanded the work of others, this has been management’s basic principle.
Peter Rachleff

In this post, we discuss the various survival techniques, or a list of options that you may think of using, depending on how dire the situation is, in order to overcome or survive a manager who chooses to divide and conquer.

1. Try not leaving any scope for complaints

Even though it doesn’t always work like that, the only way your boss or manager will try to play this card with you is when probably there are some concerns relating to the deliverables. At times though, you might be at the receiving end of this (the divide and rule management strategy) behavior when your boss has something personal against you – which needless to say is extremely unprofessional. Try and do your best in meeting your targets and goals, and leave little or no scope for complaints. It might be a little hard (even for the worst bosses) to nitpick when you are a good performer.

2. Learn the art of diplomacy

You don’t have to be extremely chummy with your colleagues; even then, with a bit of diplomacy and tact you should be able to find out if they are being subject to the same kind of treatment. If they are, well, your doubts will be confirmed and probably you will know what kind of action the situation warrants.

3. Patience and acceptance

At times, even all the knowledge and facts in the world won’t help a situation like this. In which case, you have to accept it for what it is. In the meanwhile, be patient and do your work the best you can, hoping for the situation to get better. Confrontation in cases like this can backfire harshly, which can’t be too good for you, especially if it’s a job you really love.

4. Seek out/ get in touch with a mentor

This can truly be therapy for you. If you don’t already have a mentor, seek one out. Speaking to your mentor about this can give you some clarity about how to tackle the situation. In all probability, they’ve been there, dealt with that. Who can be a mentor? Anyone you trust, and feel might have some guidance that will help you. Could be a senior at work (be careful though), or a friend, or a relative whose professional guidance you are likely to value.

5. You always have the option to quit, take a call

As a last resort, and if it really gets that far, understand that this isn’t the last job for you in the world. Don’t jump the gun just yet. But start looking out for, and applying to other jobs. If you wake up dreading going to office everyday, maybe it is time for a pleasant change. Accepting this might be a bit unsettling, so take your time to think it through. However, do be sure of your skills and the fact that with a bit of effort you can find a job which would be way more satisfying than your current one.

Working in an environment of divide and rule management can evoke the worst from you. And that is not what you want your manager to succeed in doing – he/she probably wants to push you to that extent so that they finally have an official reason to fire you. The moment you feel matters are heading that way, take a call and make a graceful exit while you have the option of doing so.

One of your other options could be to take this up with the HR, but you would need very substantial and tangible proof to support your claim. In the case of divide and rule strategies, it can be especially hard to garner that proof, so be extremely sure of what you’re saying if and when you do decide to take it to the HR.

Survived the divide and rule management strategy? Tell us how!