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A Conversation on Mentoring with an Expert Mentor

A Conversation on Mentoring with an Expert Mentor

by | May 4, 2017 | Career, Leadership, Managing Yourself, Mentoring, Motivation, Volunteering, World of Work

Mentoring is not just a duty; it’s a place for both, the mentor and mentee, to feel safe, reflect and feel empowered!

When you decide to take on, or accept a mentee, along with your role as a mentor comes responsibility, trust and commitment. It is a relationship premised on mutual give and take as any other relationship. Being a mentor is no easy task. It is a role that one must assume with full responsibility for, only after careful consideration.

Given the importance of mentoring in our careers, we thought of writing another blog, documenting the perspectives of a mentor herself. So we tracked down Pratibha Pathak, an associate coordinator for a not for profit organization called Pravah. An extremely energetic and compassionate being, Pratibha has been mentoring young adults on both personal and professional fronts for the past few years. Over an hour-long conversation, she spoke about a number of topics, such as, why mentoring is important, what are the qualities of a good mentor and her journey as a mentor.

There is a lot to take away from this conversation!

You have been mentoring for quite sometime now.  Each one of your mentees has a different story, a background and set of problems. How has the experience been for you as a mentor?

It’s been very different. I joined Pravah as a volunteer and had no idea about the concept of mentoring then. I had never been mentored by anyone previously either, so it was a lot more difficult for me. It was during my interactions with people in SMILE, an internship carried out by Pravah, that I finally learnt the basics of mentoring. Later, when I joined in an official capacity, I started my journey as a mentor. Even then when I had got a hang of some basic mentoring skills, I still didn’t know what I was doing. But one thing was certain, being a mentor meant I had a responsibility to perform.

Slowly I realized that mentoring is not about telling any of these kids what they ought to do and what not, it is a space that needs to be created for any mentee to be themselves. Yes, you’re right, each one of my mentees have a different story to tell and that made mentoring all the more challenging yet exciting enough for me to pursue.

Pravah has a unique system of mentoring everyone, from the founder to an intern. You have had mentors as well, how has that been for you? Do you think their mentoring skills have influenced yours in any way? If yes, then can you explain how?

Yes, I have had mentors both through formal and informal channels. Whenever I feel someone can help me, I reach out, doesn’t matter if he/she is assigned to me or not. I think the conversations I have had with my mentors have helped me grow and ease out the unnecessary pressure I have been forcing on myself. Also, I use to have a very narrow vision, I think that got widened in the process as well.  So yes, I would say my mentors have been an integral part of my journey.

As for answering the next part of your question, I think yes, my learnings from the conversations I have had with my mentors have impacted my mentoring skills. It has helped me grow and a lot of other people as well. My mentors have influenced me in the way I speak to my mentees. I’ll give you an example for this, I have always been a curious person, so you can understand I have this need to know everything. But when you become a mentor, you have to understand that a mentee doesn’t always want to share what’s on his/her mind all the time, so there is no point forcing it out. This was something I learnt from my mentors. Today, I have come to a realization that the essence of mentoring is to let things be until the mentee is comfortable and is ready to talk.

The process of mentoring is all about give and take. Do you think you have learnt some things from your mentees as much as they have learnt from you?

I think my biggest reflection as a mentor is how similar all of us are, and by us I mean both the mentors and the mentees. This I understood not just through my reflections, but also from my mentees. I think in terms of factual experiences, we are all different, but mentoring made me realize that emotionally we are all the same. I’ve learnt that it is important to constantly go back to who you are as a person when you try to help them. Mentees will never understand what you as a mentor are saying if you somewhere can’t connect yourself to their story and that is why it is important to reflect on yourself. This is what I have learnt.

Each mentor has a different way of approaching and mentoring someone. What is your mentoring process like?

First of all, I think having a mentoring “process” as such is a foolish thing. We have to understand that every single mentee, no matter what their age, is different. So simply put, there is no one process. Having said that, there are some common things that I do with all my mentees. First, it is important for me to let them be. I never question them, until I feel I have understood them to a certain level. The time my mentee is sharing is the time for me to just simply understand, and not prod around as that can completely backfire. Apart from that, the golden rule I believe that always works is investment and care.

There could be times when personal judgments or biases cloud your advice for a mentee, how do you tackle that?

Openness! That’s it. If you are not open to hearing the other person’s views then mentoring is futile. I think it is acceptable to disagree, but a mentor must respect the mentee during that process. It is very important to approach the conversation positively and understand what is it you want to take away from the conversation, as a mentor. Only if a mentor is open to the idea of the other person being different, can he/she break down biases, or at least keep them at bay.

Today, the culture of mentoring has become extremely popular within schools, colleges and work places. Why do you think is there such a rise?

I feel that life is much faster and we want to do so much. Given the little time we have and today’s technology being fast paced, we aren’t really slowing down and reflecting. We aren’t creating spaces for people to have a reflection of their own perceptions. Today, I think people miss that space, in fact they need it. A space they can call their own and who better to provide it than a mentor?

How important do you think mentoring is? Does it really impact lives for the better?

I strongly believe it to be a good practice. It adds value to all stages of a person’s life. We need mentors because they help us think outside the box. There are times when we need to look at our problems from a different lens, and mentors provide us with that. Apart from this, I think they can help boost our performance and build a network of contacts that we can use in the future.

But we need to understand that mentoring is a two-way process, it’s about giving and taking energy, and if it’s not helping either the mentor or the mentee, then perhaps mentoring is not a good option. There can be cases where a mentee hasn’t come in for a conversation with an open mind or the mentor is not in a frame of mind to listen. So mentoring only works if both are on the same page.

What do you think are some of the skills a mentor must have and what must he or she refrain from doing?

I can’t generalize for all mentors, but I can tell you what works for me. Being open-minded and leaving perceptions behind while talking is the first. There is a word we use in Pravah, it’s called “Carefrontation”, it means it is necessary to both, care and confront while we mentor; I think this is a must. Honesty, enthusiasm and above all empathy is needed. I cannot stress on how important empathy is.

As for what a mentor must refrain from doing, I think being unapproachable is one of the biggest sins that can be committed. A mentee needs to feel welcomed and not feel inhibited while approaching a mentor. Apart from that, showing a lack of interest and disrespect would be next on my list.

Nothing makes a mentor more happy than see their mentee grow. Have there been any moments for you? Could you describe some?

Yes, definitely there have been a lot of moments for me. It is difficult to even choose one, but I will try. Last year, I was mentoring a volunteer from Bihar. I think I probably had just three or four conversations with him. His problem was that he didn’t talk much, either to me or anyone of the other volunteers. He felt he would be judged for speaking in Hindi; he was scared of the repercussions he thought he would have to face if he talks. After a couple of conversations with him, I saw him bloom into a different person all together. He grew more confident and he started talking, out loud! Knowing that I have contributed in some small way, is something I will always cherish!

In Conclusion

Mentoring is a hard task, it can sometimes even seem like a thankless job. The time and effort that you invest in a mentee, while leading a busy life of your own can make you question if it is all worth it? You might even wonder, “What am I getting in return?”

We agree with Pratibha when she said,

“You would be surprised how amazing it feels to see an individual prosper and know that a part of his success comes from your guidance. As you teach your mentee, you will learn too. You will gain a deeper understanding of yourself as a person and will discover strengths you did not know you had and will admit weaknesses you would want to work on.”

A big thanks to Pratibha for sharing her mentoring experiences with us so expressively. Please join us in wishing her many more successes in her career ahead – she certainly deserves it and more for all the light she spreads around her.

Trust us when we say this, the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing your best to help build another individual’s career, will make you feel content and in that moment you will realize it was all worth it.

The 7 Elements of Effective Communication – Get Heard

The 7 Elements of Effective Communication – Get Heard

by | May 2, 2017 | Career, Communication, Communication Skills, World of Work

In our last post, we spoke about what are the possible impediments, or barriers to effective communication. In this post, we take you ahead with exploring some of the core elements for effective communication. To dive straight in –

1. For Effective Communication – Listen

In a number of our blog posts, relating to communication (and even otherwise), we have spoken about how and why ‘listening’ is an extremely important process of communication. Even if you are the one who needs to communicate, being indifferent or not paying attention what your audience has to say can render your communication process ineffective. As the honourable Dalai Lama said —

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

Listening and speaking go hand in hand, and during the process of communication the roles of a listener and a speaker are fluid. This means that a speaker may not necessarily be the only one doing all the talking. One of the key elements for effective communication require the speaker to be, first of all, a good listener.
Have a look at what the American Management Association (1961) says about the importance of listening “…Listening is one of the most important, most difficult – and most neglected – skills in communication. It demands that we concentrate not only on the explicit meanings another person is expressing but on the implicit meanings, unspoken words and undertones that may be far more significant…”

2. For Effective Communication – Be Clear

The elements of Clarity and Simplicity are in a way interwoven. However, these two aspects cannot be used interchangeably. If one were to explain what clarity in the process of communication means, it would be simply this – that there should be absolutely no room for doubt about what the message is.

One of the worst failures of communication is when your audience acts upon your message and delivers something that is opposite of what you meant to say, or absolutely not in sync with the purpose of communication.

Your words, ideas and logic should be crystal clear. Do not beat around the bush with what you need to communicate – given that at times the content of the communication might truly be tricky. Regardless, put it across with as much clarity as you possibly can.

3. For Effective Communication – Aim for Simplicity

Always, always keep it simple. Being verbose can be the death of effective communication. What is the point of using complicated jargon or terms which your audience might not be able to process? Always keep in mind the background, and language competency of your audience before proceeding to communicate with them.

Although, it is highly recommended that irrespective of the competency of your audience, you keep the language as simple as possible – unless you need to use certain technical terms to get your point across. Keeping it simple has the magical effect of making communication instantly effective.
Have a look at certain “Principles of Simplicity” for most effective communication. You can read the whole of this wonderful article here.

Language:
“Using jargon, big words and complex structures may make something seem important but it also makes is more difficult to understand.

• Metaphor or analogy can be used to simplify ideas by showing what they are like.
• Shorter sentences requires the person to spend less time remembering what was said and decoding the structure.

Reduction
Simplification can be achieved simply by showing or doing less. Talk less. Show them fewer alternatives. Make the idea more stand-alone with fewer associations. Reduce time, space, actions and people to make plan more straightforward.

Rearrangement
Sometimes things can be made easier to understand by moving things around into configurations that make more sense. You can move things in time as well as space. You can change who does what, where people go, when things happen and so on.

Replacement
Sometimes things can be made easier by throwing away what you currently have and using something else that is easier to understand or accept.”

If one were to compress the entire bit about simplicity simply, it would be this – simple things are by nature easiest to understand, process and accept.

4. For Effective Communication – Be Confident

If you aren’t confident about what you’re communicating, it will never be effective. And there are no two ways about that. Whether or not you are able to communicate with confidence is what makes lends the information you are putting out its due authenticity. The onus lies completely on you to get your listeners/ readers to believe in what you are saying.

The only way that will happen is when you communicate with confidence. Well, how do you communicate with confidence then? Be sure of what you’re saying, i.e., ‘know your stuff’. Ask yourself enough questions about the content until you are satisfied that you know enough to be able to communicate confidently!

5. For Effective Communication – Be Charismatic

A charming personality goes a long way in aiding effective communication. In his article, “What is Charisma and Charismatic Leadership”, have a look at what author Ronald E Riggio has to say about “charismatic leaders”. “Charismatic leaders are essentially very skilled communicators – individuals who are both verbally eloquent, but also able to communicate to followers on a deep, emotional level. They are able to articulate a compelling or captivating vision, and are able to arouse strong emotions in followers.”

Some people say, you either have charisma, or you don’t. But we believe everyone has charisma. You just need to bring it forth. And the only (and the best) way you can do that is when you are absolutely sure about what you are trying to communicate, and the confidence and the conviction shows in your communication. And while you’re doing that, don’t forget to smile every now and then.

6. For Effective Communication – Consider the Environment

During the research we did for this post, one common aspect across all the material we read was, the process of communication will be effective only when there is trust between the communicator and the audience. In other words, the environment for the communication needs to be conducive, and trust is the most important factor for the same. The kind of rapport you share with your audience is something that will determine it.
“Environment” as an aspect of communication also means to choose the right place, and the right time before initiating the process of communication. Ensure that your audience is placed in a way that they can be receptive to what you are saying. Else, the communication could be just one-sided, and any communication which is one-sided can safely be called ineffective.

The American Management Association (1961) explains the aspect of environment in the following manner –

“Meaning and intent are conveyed by more than words alone. Many other factors influence the overall impact of a communication and you must be sensitive to the total setting in which you communicate.

Consider, for example, your sense of timing – i.e. the circumstances under which you make an announcement or render a decision; the physical setting – whether you communicate in private, for example, or otherwise; the social climate that pervades work relationships within the company or a department and sets the tone of its communications; custom and past practice – the degree to which your communication conforms to, or departs from the expectations of your audience. Be constantly aware of the total setting in which you communicate. It is essential that communication adapts to its environment.”

Makes a great deal of sense, doesn’t it?

7. For Effective Communication – Be Open to Feedback

Always keep the feedback loop open. And always seek feedback during the process of communication. Don’t just seek feedback, do incorporate it in order to show that the feedback is indeed valued. Besides helping you improve, the feedback you receive also helps you know if the message you wanted to communicate has been received in the intended manner. You might have to devise suitable methods to be able to receive, evaluate and respond to feedback. Think about this as a preparatory step before you initiate the process of communication.
Being mindful, during your communication is also a crucial aspect in order to make it effective. How can you be mindful during the process of communication? Well, first of all by being a good listener. Secondly, by being empathetic.

Be prepared that no matter how well you put across the message to be communicated, in case it is an undesirable message for the receiver, it may not be taken kindly. In which case, you must be prepared to ‘respond’ and not ‘react’. This will be possible only when you incorporate a sense of empathy into the process of your communication.

Have more to say about the elements for effective communication? Write to us.

6 Free Courses that will Add Value to your CV

6 Free Courses that will Add Value to your CV

by | Apr 26, 2017 | Career, Communication Skills, Resume, Skills

2017 has just begun, and you still have a lot of time to accomplish everything and more you imagine ticking off that checklist. We are taking for granted that one of them is learning new skills, and doing what you do better. To help you pursue this goal here is a list of free courses that would probably help you, regardless of what your job is. Well, if not all of them, one of them for sure. And even completing one of these courses would not only help you become a better version of you, it will add actual value to your CV.

1. Introduction to Graphic Design, Udemy

This introductory course on graphic designing speaks about elementary things such as what sets apart appealing visual material from not so appealing visual material. And thus, what are some basic principles and elements of design that will help you be more knowledgeable about how design works.

2. Adobe Photoshop CS6 Essential Tools, ALISON

Photoshopping seems to have become an almost “must have” skill, especially if you are in the media/ management sector. Even if your profile may not require you to engage extensively with how photoshopping works, this is a great starter kit for you to pick up the basics for editing and enhancing photographs. Have a look at the free course here.

3. Diploma in Social Media Marketing, ALISON

How do you enhance customer interaction through your social media pages? Why aren’t you get enough hits, likes and shares when you’re doing everything and more? This basic course will help you decode the fundamentals on how “traffic” in social media works. Having this on your CV will make you a favored candidate for more opportunities than you can imagine.
The course has a total of lessons, and each lesson is for hours. Have a look at more details on the free course here.

4. Introduction to Public Speaking, edX

Whoever said public speaking is only for politicians and leaders? In the World of Work, acquiring the art of public speaking is just as important a skill. Be it a farewell speech, an award acceptance speech or speaking at a board meeting or an international conference. In all these areas, your public speaking skills will be put to test. If that scares you to death, well you are not alone. Fear of public speaking is a widespread phenomenon – the average person ranks it even above fear of death. There is even a word for it – Glossophobia or speech anxiety is the fear of public speaking or of speaking in general. [Read more – here].

This course is your quick fix (just 10 weeks!) to overcoming glossophobia! Designed by the University of Washington the course grooms you into becoming the public speaker you wish you were!

5. Successful Negotiation: Essential Strategies and Skills, Coursera

The name of the course in itself is a skill you need to have to survive the highly competitive world of work. Well, this courses teaches you not just how to survive, but also how to thrive! With expertise from University of Michigan and the easy interface of Coursera, in 6 lessons you will have learnt the essentials of effective negotiation!

6. Secret Sauce of Great Writing, Udemy

Hang on before you jump to conclusions. This isn’t a creative writing course, far from it. This immensely popular course teaches you how to write business emails, cover letters, press notes, and also how to write effective business blogs. By the end of it, you’ll know all that there is to know about how to draft a perfect professional email, what mistakes you should be careful about, cover letter basics – and so much more!

Excited to get started? That’s great! But do remember to take on these courses when you can devote the required time. It may seem like very little effort, and compared to university it surely is. However, you still need to be in a space where you can dedicate the required discipline and attention to the course. That’s the only way you’ll finish it feeling like you’ve actually accomplished something. And that sure is a great feeling!

How to Survive the Devious Divide and Rule Management Strategy

How to Survive the Devious Divide and Rule Management Strategy

by | Apr 20, 2017 | Leadership, Management, Managing Yourself, Office Etiquette, World of Work

In our previous post, we spoke about what the  divide and rule management strategy is, how it works and why it is anything but cool, or acceptable. But what do you do when you are at the receiving end of this strategy? It can be extremely stressful and limiting to work in an environment where you are being subjected to demeaning strategies of management such as this. But, know that this is not uncommon at all in the world of work.

Divide and Conquer – As long as some people have commanded the work of others, this has been management’s basic principle.
Peter Rachleff

In this post, we discuss the various survival techniques, or a list of options that you may think of using, depending on how dire the situation is, in order to overcome or survive a manager who chooses to divide and conquer.

1. Try not leaving any scope for complaints

Even though it doesn’t always work like that, the only way your boss or manager will try to play this card with you is when probably there are some concerns relating to the deliverables. At times though, you might be at the receiving end of this (the divide and rule management strategy) behavior when your boss has something personal against you – which needless to say is extremely unprofessional. Try and do your best in meeting your targets and goals, and leave little or no scope for complaints. It might be a little hard (even for the worst bosses) to nitpick when you are a good performer.

2. Learn the art of diplomacy

You don’t have to be extremely chummy with your colleagues; even then, with a bit of diplomacy and tact you should be able to find out if they are being subject to the same kind of treatment. If they are, well, your doubts will be confirmed and probably you will know what kind of action the situation warrants.

3. Patience and acceptance

At times, even all the knowledge and facts in the world won’t help a situation like this. In which case, you have to accept it for what it is. In the meanwhile, be patient and do your work the best you can, hoping for the situation to get better. Confrontation in cases like this can backfire harshly, which can’t be too good for you, especially if it’s a job you really love.

4. Seek out/ get in touch with a mentor

This can truly be therapy for you. If you don’t already have a mentor, seek one out. Speaking to your mentor about this can give you some clarity about how to tackle the situation. In all probability, they’ve been there, dealt with that. Who can be a mentor? Anyone you trust, and feel might have some guidance that will help you. Could be a senior at work (be careful though), or a friend, or a relative whose professional guidance you are likely to value.

5. You always have the option to quit, take a call

As a last resort, and if it really gets that far, understand that this isn’t the last job for you in the world. Don’t jump the gun just yet. But start looking out for, and applying to other jobs. If you wake up dreading going to office everyday, maybe it is time for a pleasant change. Accepting this might be a bit unsettling, so take your time to think it through. However, do be sure of your skills and the fact that with a bit of effort you can find a job which would be way more satisfying than your current one.

Working in an environment of divide and rule management can evoke the worst from you. And that is not what you want your manager to succeed in doing – he/she probably wants to push you to that extent so that they finally have an official reason to fire you. The moment you feel matters are heading that way, take a call and make a graceful exit while you have the option of doing so.

One of your other options could be to take this up with the HR, but you would need very substantial and tangible proof to support your claim. In the case of divide and rule strategies, it can be especially hard to garner that proof, so be extremely sure of what you’re saying if and when you do decide to take it to the HR.

Survived the divide and rule management strategy? Tell us how!

Divide and Conquer in the World of Work – What How and Why

Divide and Conquer in the World of Work – What How and Why

by | Apr 18, 2017 | Management, Performance, World of Work

So what is the Divide and Conquer style of management ?

It makes for an interesting case, to delve a little deeper into the history or origins of this strategy – Divide and Conquer (derived from Latin: divide et impera). Niccolo Machiavelli, the 16th Century Italian diplomat and political theorist could be said to be the discoverer of this devious technique – which has been used to rule nations, let alone organizations. He wrote about this technique, in his political treatise, “The Prince”, which was a discourse addressed to rulers. In it, he breaks down power into its simple, implementable units, and guides rulers with advice about how to be powerful and rule successfully, or rather, formidably. Not very long ago, the colonizers of India used the very same tactic, of ‘divide and rule’ to conquer and suppress. While civilizations have evolved, and we call ourselves citizens of a globalized world, we still haven’t left behind these draconian practices. They seem to be all-pervasive – the world of work being a fine example to cite for the same.

How does the ‘Divide and Conquer’ style of management work?

It is a strategy of gaining and maintaining power by breaking up larger concentrations of power into chunks that individually have less power than the one implementing the strategy. Simply put, it works when the manager creates “intentional disharmony”. However, the most basic thing that managers usually do to put this method into practice is pressure individual employees by creating a sense of fear that their team is unhappy with them.

In this case, insecurity rules, the leader/manager’s own insecurity makes him/her intentionally create disharmony, goes about collecting information (the water-coolers sessions equivalent) from team about team-mates, discusses and is dismissive about subordinates in front of their peers and actually pits one against the other. When this happens, the subordinates would obviously not come together as a team and be a threat to his/her security. [Read more about the Five Management or Leadership Styles that should be Banned from the Work Place – Here]

One way that it works is when the manager collects information, and uses it to pit the other team members against each other. While that in turn might be completely false, and quite possibly the manager might have said the exact same thing to several other team members, if it is a favored approach for him/her. In this process – threats – veiled and unveiled are by no means uncommon. These threats will, as the bottom line communicate this (or something to the effect of this) to the employee – “I have been hearing that you have been under performing. If this is something that is out of your league, maybe it’s time to take a call about it.”

Here, the manager hopes to have succeeded in his ultimate goal of getting the work done “his” (/ her) way in either of these two ways –
• The employee is jolted, and shocked and starts overcompensating. Hence making the manager feel like his approach was successful.
• The employee feels like the pressure is too much for him/ her to take and resigns. Thus enabling the manager to sign someone new up for the job – who he feels is more eligible. Thus, re-affirming his belief that his approach was successful.

But is the ‘divide and conquer’ method really successful/ ethical or even required?

Out of all the methods and tactics a manager could use to amplify the productivity of a team, this for sure shouldn’t be amongst them. Have a look at the reasons why –

1. United we stand, divided we fall –

so goes the age old saying, and there is indeed a sea of wisdom behind this proverbial saying. There is no merit in splitting up a team from within. If anything, it hampers the productivity of the team with the unnecessary chaos and disharmony created intentionally. Instead of learning from, and with, one another, the team drifts apart and there is a lack of communication, and coordination.

2. What is there to gain anyway?

What can one expect to gain in terms of results and productivity with this method of management? Yes that is a metaphorical question with the answer being – absolutely nothing. This form of management is an example of failed management. And probably one of the best examples when your manager is a boss, and not a leader. A manager would take to this form of management when he/ she is insecure, and is inefficient and incapable of taking ownership, or responsibility for his work, and his team’s work.

Ever been at the receiving end of this divide and conquer style of management? Tell us how you figured what was happening. It helps to learn through experiences!