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A Conversation on Mentoring with an Expert Mentor

A Conversation on Mentoring with an Expert Mentor

by | May 4, 2017 | Career, Leadership, Managing Yourself, Mentoring, Motivation, Volunteering, World of Work

Mentoring is not just a duty; it’s a place for both, the mentor and mentee, to feel safe, reflect and feel empowered!

When you decide to take on, or accept a mentee, along with your role as a mentor comes responsibility, trust and commitment. It is a relationship premised on mutual give and take as any other relationship. Being a mentor is no easy task. It is a role that one must assume with full responsibility for, only after careful consideration.

Given the importance of mentoring in our careers, we thought of writing another blog, documenting the perspectives of a mentor herself. So we tracked down Pratibha Pathak, an associate coordinator for a not for profit organization called Pravah. An extremely energetic and compassionate being, Pratibha has been mentoring young adults on both personal and professional fronts for the past few years. Over an hour-long conversation, she spoke about a number of topics, such as, why mentoring is important, what are the qualities of a good mentor and her journey as a mentor.

There is a lot to take away from this conversation!

You have been mentoring for quite sometime now.  Each one of your mentees has a different story, a background and set of problems. How has the experience been for you as a mentor?

It’s been very different. I joined Pravah as a volunteer and had no idea about the concept of mentoring then. I had never been mentored by anyone previously either, so it was a lot more difficult for me. It was during my interactions with people in SMILE, an internship carried out by Pravah, that I finally learnt the basics of mentoring. Later, when I joined in an official capacity, I started my journey as a mentor. Even then when I had got a hang of some basic mentoring skills, I still didn’t know what I was doing. But one thing was certain, being a mentor meant I had a responsibility to perform.

Slowly I realized that mentoring is not about telling any of these kids what they ought to do and what not, it is a space that needs to be created for any mentee to be themselves. Yes, you’re right, each one of my mentees have a different story to tell and that made mentoring all the more challenging yet exciting enough for me to pursue.

Pravah has a unique system of mentoring everyone, from the founder to an intern. You have had mentors as well, how has that been for you? Do you think their mentoring skills have influenced yours in any way? If yes, then can you explain how?

Yes, I have had mentors both through formal and informal channels. Whenever I feel someone can help me, I reach out, doesn’t matter if he/she is assigned to me or not. I think the conversations I have had with my mentors have helped me grow and ease out the unnecessary pressure I have been forcing on myself. Also, I use to have a very narrow vision, I think that got widened in the process as well.  So yes, I would say my mentors have been an integral part of my journey.

As for answering the next part of your question, I think yes, my learnings from the conversations I have had with my mentors have impacted my mentoring skills. It has helped me grow and a lot of other people as well. My mentors have influenced me in the way I speak to my mentees. I’ll give you an example for this, I have always been a curious person, so you can understand I have this need to know everything. But when you become a mentor, you have to understand that a mentee doesn’t always want to share what’s on his/her mind all the time, so there is no point forcing it out. This was something I learnt from my mentors. Today, I have come to a realization that the essence of mentoring is to let things be until the mentee is comfortable and is ready to talk.

The process of mentoring is all about give and take. Do you think you have learnt some things from your mentees as much as they have learnt from you?

I think my biggest reflection as a mentor is how similar all of us are, and by us I mean both the mentors and the mentees. This I understood not just through my reflections, but also from my mentees. I think in terms of factual experiences, we are all different, but mentoring made me realize that emotionally we are all the same. I’ve learnt that it is important to constantly go back to who you are as a person when you try to help them. Mentees will never understand what you as a mentor are saying if you somewhere can’t connect yourself to their story and that is why it is important to reflect on yourself. This is what I have learnt.

Each mentor has a different way of approaching and mentoring someone. What is your mentoring process like?

First of all, I think having a mentoring “process” as such is a foolish thing. We have to understand that every single mentee, no matter what their age, is different. So simply put, there is no one process. Having said that, there are some common things that I do with all my mentees. First, it is important for me to let them be. I never question them, until I feel I have understood them to a certain level. The time my mentee is sharing is the time for me to just simply understand, and not prod around as that can completely backfire. Apart from that, the golden rule I believe that always works is investment and care.

There could be times when personal judgments or biases cloud your advice for a mentee, how do you tackle that?

Openness! That’s it. If you are not open to hearing the other person’s views then mentoring is futile. I think it is acceptable to disagree, but a mentor must respect the mentee during that process. It is very important to approach the conversation positively and understand what is it you want to take away from the conversation, as a mentor. Only if a mentor is open to the idea of the other person being different, can he/she break down biases, or at least keep them at bay.

Today, the culture of mentoring has become extremely popular within schools, colleges and work places. Why do you think is there such a rise?

I feel that life is much faster and we want to do so much. Given the little time we have and today’s technology being fast paced, we aren’t really slowing down and reflecting. We aren’t creating spaces for people to have a reflection of their own perceptions. Today, I think people miss that space, in fact they need it. A space they can call their own and who better to provide it than a mentor?

How important do you think mentoring is? Does it really impact lives for the better?

I strongly believe it to be a good practice. It adds value to all stages of a person’s life. We need mentors because they help us think outside the box. There are times when we need to look at our problems from a different lens, and mentors provide us with that. Apart from this, I think they can help boost our performance and build a network of contacts that we can use in the future.

But we need to understand that mentoring is a two-way process, it’s about giving and taking energy, and if it’s not helping either the mentor or the mentee, then perhaps mentoring is not a good option. There can be cases where a mentee hasn’t come in for a conversation with an open mind or the mentor is not in a frame of mind to listen. So mentoring only works if both are on the same page.

What do you think are some of the skills a mentor must have and what must he or she refrain from doing?

I can’t generalize for all mentors, but I can tell you what works for me. Being open-minded and leaving perceptions behind while talking is the first. There is a word we use in Pravah, it’s called “Carefrontation”, it means it is necessary to both, care and confront while we mentor; I think this is a must. Honesty, enthusiasm and above all empathy is needed. I cannot stress on how important empathy is.

As for what a mentor must refrain from doing, I think being unapproachable is one of the biggest sins that can be committed. A mentee needs to feel welcomed and not feel inhibited while approaching a mentor. Apart from that, showing a lack of interest and disrespect would be next on my list.

Nothing makes a mentor more happy than see their mentee grow. Have there been any moments for you? Could you describe some?

Yes, definitely there have been a lot of moments for me. It is difficult to even choose one, but I will try. Last year, I was mentoring a volunteer from Bihar. I think I probably had just three or four conversations with him. His problem was that he didn’t talk much, either to me or anyone of the other volunteers. He felt he would be judged for speaking in Hindi; he was scared of the repercussions he thought he would have to face if he talks. After a couple of conversations with him, I saw him bloom into a different person all together. He grew more confident and he started talking, out loud! Knowing that I have contributed in some small way, is something I will always cherish!

In Conclusion

Mentoring is a hard task, it can sometimes even seem like a thankless job. The time and effort that you invest in a mentee, while leading a busy life of your own can make you question if it is all worth it? You might even wonder, “What am I getting in return?”

We agree with Pratibha when she said,

“You would be surprised how amazing it feels to see an individual prosper and know that a part of his success comes from your guidance. As you teach your mentee, you will learn too. You will gain a deeper understanding of yourself as a person and will discover strengths you did not know you had and will admit weaknesses you would want to work on.”

A big thanks to Pratibha for sharing her mentoring experiences with us so expressively. Please join us in wishing her many more successes in her career ahead – she certainly deserves it and more for all the light she spreads around her.

Trust us when we say this, the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing your best to help build another individual’s career, will make you feel content and in that moment you will realize it was all worth it.

How to Survive the Devious Divide and Rule Management Strategy

How to Survive the Devious Divide and Rule Management Strategy

by | Apr 20, 2017 | Leadership, Management, Managing Yourself, Office Etiquette, World of Work

In our previous post, we spoke about what the  divide and rule management strategy is, how it works and why it is anything but cool, or acceptable. But what do you do when you are at the receiving end of this strategy? It can be extremely stressful and limiting to work in an environment where you are being subjected to demeaning strategies of management such as this. But, know that this is not uncommon at all in the world of work.

Divide and Conquer – As long as some people have commanded the work of others, this has been management’s basic principle.
Peter Rachleff

In this post, we discuss the various survival techniques, or a list of options that you may think of using, depending on how dire the situation is, in order to overcome or survive a manager who chooses to divide and conquer.

1. Try not leaving any scope for complaints

Even though it doesn’t always work like that, the only way your boss or manager will try to play this card with you is when probably there are some concerns relating to the deliverables. At times though, you might be at the receiving end of this (the divide and rule management strategy) behavior when your boss has something personal against you – which needless to say is extremely unprofessional. Try and do your best in meeting your targets and goals, and leave little or no scope for complaints. It might be a little hard (even for the worst bosses) to nitpick when you are a good performer.

2. Learn the art of diplomacy

You don’t have to be extremely chummy with your colleagues; even then, with a bit of diplomacy and tact you should be able to find out if they are being subject to the same kind of treatment. If they are, well, your doubts will be confirmed and probably you will know what kind of action the situation warrants.

3. Patience and acceptance

At times, even all the knowledge and facts in the world won’t help a situation like this. In which case, you have to accept it for what it is. In the meanwhile, be patient and do your work the best you can, hoping for the situation to get better. Confrontation in cases like this can backfire harshly, which can’t be too good for you, especially if it’s a job you really love.

4. Seek out/ get in touch with a mentor

This can truly be therapy for you. If you don’t already have a mentor, seek one out. Speaking to your mentor about this can give you some clarity about how to tackle the situation. In all probability, they’ve been there, dealt with that. Who can be a mentor? Anyone you trust, and feel might have some guidance that will help you. Could be a senior at work (be careful though), or a friend, or a relative whose professional guidance you are likely to value.

5. You always have the option to quit, take a call

As a last resort, and if it really gets that far, understand that this isn’t the last job for you in the world. Don’t jump the gun just yet. But start looking out for, and applying to other jobs. If you wake up dreading going to office everyday, maybe it is time for a pleasant change. Accepting this might be a bit unsettling, so take your time to think it through. However, do be sure of your skills and the fact that with a bit of effort you can find a job which would be way more satisfying than your current one.

Working in an environment of divide and rule management can evoke the worst from you. And that is not what you want your manager to succeed in doing – he/she probably wants to push you to that extent so that they finally have an official reason to fire you. The moment you feel matters are heading that way, take a call and make a graceful exit while you have the option of doing so.

One of your other options could be to take this up with the HR, but you would need very substantial and tangible proof to support your claim. In the case of divide and rule strategies, it can be especially hard to garner that proof, so be extremely sure of what you’re saying if and when you do decide to take it to the HR.

Survived the divide and rule management strategy? Tell us how!

5 Common Mistakes to avoid if you are a First Time Manager

5 Common Mistakes to avoid if you are a First Time Manager

by | Mar 28, 2017 | Career, Leadership, Management

Along with all the excitement and progress the role of a manager offers, it comes with its own share of hurdles – much like anything new one might take on. An obvious part of any new journey entails learning through mistakes we make. Another part of the journey is to learn from the experiences of others who have walked the path that you are now on. If you are a first time manager, here are some mistakes you should definitely be wary of.

First Time Manager Mistake #1: Not establishing communication structures

The first thing that you must sort in your capacity as a manager is defining and maintaining the communication structure you expect to have with your team. Lay down the guidelines for the structure of the overall reporting and communication system. This will help you with a number of key issues such as accountability, time management and delegation.

First Time Manager Mistake #2: Not breaking the ice

Not making an effort to get to know your team is probably one of the worst mistakes managers could make. Building a rapport with your team makes a world of sense since a lot about how team progresses is now your responsibility. The first chance you get after stepping into the shoes of your new role, organize an informal team meeting where you all get a chance to know each other. During this meeting, emphasize on your expectations from the team and how you plan on helping them work towards them. Make it a dialogue and ask your team about what they expect from you, make a note of them for sure!

First Time Manager Mistake #3: Holding back/ delaying feedback

Let your team know what’s working, and what’s not! One of the common mistakes most first time managers make is delaying feedback. Feedback is probably the singular most essential thing to help your team grow. Along with assigning tasks, and following up on them, offering feedback once the task has been completed forms an integral part of the entire goal setting – achieving process. When your team has done a good job, applaud them. When there is something they could do better, let them know in a suitable way.

First Time Manager Mistake #4: Improper Time Management

Now that you are a manager, you are responsible for your entire team besides being responsible for your own work progress. In order to maximize your potential (and hence, in a way your team’s potential) you need to put in some extra planning into figuring out how you are going to be managing your time. Putting things down on paper is great way to visualize what your goals are, by when you plan on achieving them, and the going on to create a road map for the same.

First Time Manager Mistake#5: Being the boss instead of a leader

Just because you are the manager doesn’t necessarily mean you have to create a sense of fear for your team to do their work. Neither do you have to be excessively chummy. Keep reminding yourself that your real role as a manager is to lead your team and help them achieve their goals, and not to be the quintessential tyrannical boss. If you have to be a boss, be one who inspires, motivates and leads by example.
Been there, done that? Tell us about some common errors you’ve made in your journey as a first time manager.

Being a boss your team wouldn’t want to let down – Leadership Matters

Being a boss your team wouldn’t want to let down – Leadership Matters

by | Jan 5, 2017 | Career, Leadership, Management, Managing Yourself, Motivation

Now that’s a tough one, right? Not just how to be a “good” boss, but how to be a boss your team would never want to let down! Let’s state at the outset that very few bosses are able to find a place in that hall of fame. What makes it tough to be that kind of boss is maintaining very firmly, the delicate balance between being an amazing human being and a strict task master. The good news though is that it really isn’t all that tough to be that person. Thinking about it through these five key elements would probably set you off on a path to practice being that boss!

1. Lead

In one of our previous posts, we spoke about how to be a leader and not a boss. While all bosses can boss, only few bosses can lead. While a boss directs you, a leader empowers you and leads you by example. Your team sticks with you not just because they don’t have any other option, but because they like being in “your” team and they like learning with you. To be a leader to your team, is to exude a personality and a confidence which inspires and motivates your team to always go that extra mile.

2. Trust

Reposing trust in your team is a pre-requisite for your team to repose their trust in you. Trust is one of the most fundamental enablers. When you trust your team, there is an understanding that you have enough confidence in their ability to deliver. One of the most powerful methods of ensuring accountability, is in fact by investing trust in your team. This succeeds in acting as motivation for your team to take total ownership and meet your expectations.

3. Care

Why should being a boss, and in charge, pose as a conflict to your ability to be a good human being, who understands the larger dimensions of being in charge? When you are in charge of a team, you are not only in charge of ensuring the deliverables are met, but also in making sure that you help your team through the odds they may face in achieving those deliverables – which at times may even extend beyond the professional realm. At times, you may have to exercise discretion to figure how far you can really go. To care for your team is to make them feel valued, and secure – a quality that can change all that is wrong in the world of work.

4. Encourage

Not just for the sake of increasing productivity, or during appraisals – but make it a part of who you are as a person. Encouragement can be in many forms – it could be a few words, it could be a smile, it could be just an approving nod or a gesture. While it wouldn’t cost you anything, you never know how it may infuse someone with the energy he/she really needs.

5. Laugh

Be the boss who makes the work environment seem lighter. Wear a smile as often as you can, and laugh with your team as often as you can. Invest at least thirty minutes connecting with your team, sharing and laughing with them. The effect would be almost therapeutic – for you and for your team, resulting in a sense of cohesiveness which ultimately motivates your team to deliver the best.
To be a boss your team can’t let down, you’ve got to start by practicing all the qualities that you would like to see in a person you think you won’t ever be able to disappoint – and then, become that person! Let go of your need to invoke fear and hence get the work done (a tactic most commonly used by employers), and become someone who invokes the best in your team, simply by being all that you want to see in your team mates!

How to be a Leader not a Boss – Five Reminders and Quotes

How to be a Leader not a Boss – Five Reminders and Quotes

by | Oct 16, 2016 | Leadership, Management, Managing Yourself, Mentoring, Motivation, World of Work

Being a boss is easy. Said no one. Say it out loud, the word “boss”, and reflect on what it means, what it sounds like, and what it evokes in you. There are only a few words which can double as both a noun and a verb, “boss” being one of them. As an employer, you have infinite potential in you to get the best out of your employees. Alternatively, you also have infinite potential to extract the worst out of your employees. To be a leader not a boss is the key here.

Being a boss and being a leader could mean two wholly different things. The plan is, to show your team that you are very much a part of the team and at the helm of affairs. The best way to manage your people and motivate them to be their best is by being more of a leader and less of a boss. No to imposing yourself, stating through overt and covert ways, “who the boss is”, yes to communication, negotiation, trust and motivation. If you’ve ever been bossed by your boss, you know exactly what not to do. But, even the best of us need to be reminded at times. Here are five reminders and quotes about how to be a leader not a boss.

1. Give your employees the benefit of doubt

A boss creates fear, a leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting. – Russell H. Ewing

Most corporate environments today are eerily reminiscent of pre-industrial revolution hell holes. Of course that is an exaggeration, but you get what we mean. The work environment can get extremely stressful, and you do not know why an employee made a mistake he made, until you actually feel it is important to know the cause. Breathe, and communicate. Do not jump to conclusions. Giving your employees the benefit of doubt will also help you give yourself scope for improvement. Maybe you need to do something differently to help your employees perform better. Always be open to that fact.

2. Communication is truly the key

The art of communication is the language of leadership. – James Humes

Respond to emails, invest time in meting out detailed feed-back, organize team lunches and dinners, bond. Don’t assume that people know your vision, you ideas or plans. Communicate them often. And remember that two monologues don’t make a dialogue – communication is a two-way street. Take time to listen, to understand, to discuss. Being a boss can be easy at times, but being a mentor never is. But being a mentor is definitely more valuable for your organization in the longer run, than being a boss.

3. Micromanaging only kills productivity

A good boss makes his men realize they have more ability than they think they have so that they consistently do better work than they thought they could. – Charles Erwin Wilson

Not very long ago, we wrote about the importance of delegating tasks, if you have resources and a team at your disposal, learn how to delegate tasks. It will help both you as well as them. Being a control freak always has adverse effects on your productivity levels. It is impossible to micro manage everything. Also, do acknowledge and trust the talent of other people who have been hired because of their skills to handle the particular tasks. By delegating, you achieve two very important things – 1. The Trust of your employees 2. Productivity.

4. Applaud and motivate your People

If you are a leader, you should never forget that everyone needs encouragement. And everyone who receives it – young or old, successful or less-than-successful, unknown or famous – is changed by it. – John C. Maxwell

The importance of motivating your employees cannot be stressed upon, enough. Letting your employees know that you value them for the great work they do, helps them bring out the best in themselves. You know you are a good leader and a good boss when employees don’t want to let you down. It is important to hold slackers accountable, but it is more important to make it a point to applaud your employees frequently, maybe on a weekly basis. Your employees feel valued when you start or end the week by personally communicating one thing you think each member of your team did a good job with. It may not even be something big. Gratitude does go a long way to inspire and motivate.

5. Apologize when you need to

A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit. – Arnold H. Glasow

Remember that just because you are the boss, does not mean you are immune from making mistakes. Everyone is prone to mistakes and errors. What is more important is putting your ego of being superior aside, and admitting when things go wrong because of something you did, or could have done differently. Most often managers feel this quality makes them vulnerable. In fact, it is the exact opposite. It empowers you to lead your team in a much more productive manner. Humility scores way over hubris – not only for winning hearts but is also great for the bottom-line.

It can be overwhelming to be the person who is, at the end of the day, going to be held responsible or accountable for the way his/her team performs. This pressure to be a leader not a boss, more often than not gets to you. A little pressure, is of course is healthy. But ask yourself this, would you rather be a boss your employees absolutely loathe and detest? Or be a leader who they feel proud to work for. The world of work can never have enough of those kind!

Sexual Harassment at Work – Your Role as an Employer

Sexual Harassment at Work – Your Role as an Employer

by | Feb 15, 2016 | Leadership, Management, Office Etiquette, World of Work

Discrimination at the work place based on gender, or any form of harassment that makes women employees feel unsafe at their work environment, qualifies as sexual harassment. We have written about the subtle signs of sexual harassment at work earlier. We have been doing some research on this topic and this post focuses on the role and responsibility of an employer in preventing sexual harassment at work. As an employer, it is your foremost duty to ensure a safe and equitable environment for all your employees, regardless of their gender. As an employer, it is also your duty to ensure that there is an efficient mechanism, consistent with the national laws for prevention of sexual harassment at work place. In India, The Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Act, 2013, (hereby referred to as ‘The Act’) is your reference to setting up the expected grievance and redressal mechanism.

‘Freedom from sexual harassment is a condition of work that an employee is entitled to expect. Women’s rights at the workplace are human rights.’

As an employer, what is expected of you to prevent and address sexual harassment at work place?

Prevention:

  • Sexual harassment should be affirmatively discussed at workers’ meetings, employer-employee meetings, etc.
  • Guidelines should be prominently displayed to create awareness about the rights of female employees.
  • The employer should assist persons affected in cases of sexual harassment by outsiders.
  • Central and state governments must adopt measures, including legislation, to ensure that private employers also observe the guidelines.
  • Names and contact numbers of members of the complaints committee must be prominently displayed.

 Your Responsibilities, according to the Act:

  • Recognize sexual harassment as a serious offence.
  • Recognize the responsibility of the company/ factory/workplace to prevent and deal with sexual harassment at the workplace.
  • Recognize the liability of the company, etc, for sexual harassment by the employees or management. Employers are not necessarily insulated from that liability because they were not aware of sexual harassment by staff.
  • Formulate an anti-sexual harassment policy. This should include:
  • A clear statement of the employer’s commitment to a workplace free of unlawful discrimination and harassment.
  • Clear definition of sexual harassment (using examples), and prohibition of such behaviour as an offence.
  • Constitution of a complaints committee to investigate, mediate, counsel and resolve cases of sexual harassment. The Supreme Court guidelines envisage a proactive role for the complaints committee, and prevention of sexual harassment at work is a crucial role. It is thus imperative that the committee consist of persons who are sensitive and open to the issues faced by women.
  • A statement that anyone found guilty of harassment after investigation will be subject to disciplinary action.

According to the Act, the range of penalties that the complaints committee can levy against the offender should include:

  • Explicit protection of the confidentiality of the victim of harassment and of witnesses.
  • A guarantee that neither complainant nor witnesses will be subjected to retaliation.
  • Publishing the policy and making copies available at the workplace. Discussing the policy with all new recruits and existing employees. Third-party suppliers and clients should also be aware of the policy.
  • Conducting periodic training for all employees, with active involvement of the complaints committee.

There are four perspectives on Sexual Harassment in Workplace (SHW) – Feminist, Legal, and two Organizational aspects. InfochangeIndia.org, explains the four perspectives through this useful table.

Sexual Harassment at Work is Punishable by Law

An employer can be subjected to a penalty of up to INR 50,000 for:

  • Failure to constitute Internal Complaints Committee
  • Failure to act upon recommendations of the Complaints Committee; or
  • Failure to file an annual report to the District Officer where required; or
  • Contravening or attempting to contravene or abetting contravention of the Act or Rules.

Where an employer repeats a breach under the Act, they shall be subject to:

  • Twice the punishment or higher punishment if prescribed under any other law for the same offence.
  • Cancellation/Withdrawal/Non-renewal of registration/license required for carrying on business or activities

Act now! Ensure a Safe Working Environment for your Employees

By ensuring safe and sustainable work environment for your employees, you ensure that their entire focus is on being productive. If your employee does not feel valued, or safe, no matter how talented (s)he is, you will have to let him/her go. One of the biggest drawbacks of the above Act is that it is not gender neutral. Regardless, it is a fact that sexual harassment of women at workplace in India is rampant. As an employer, it all boils down to you – to how serious you are about tackling this grave issue, and how swiftly and efficiently you act against issues of sexual harassment at your workplace. It should be your utmost priority to make your employees feel safe, protected and cared for. That is the biggest investment you can make in your company, and we can assure you, the Return On Investment will be far greater than you ever imagined. Do your bit to guarantee human rights, make your workplace a zero tolerance zone for sexual harassment.